funny joke anyone?

Computer Diagnosis

One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
”Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the . The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."

Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the . The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:

"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don’t stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."

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  1. sweet2karina, 15 December, 2009

    that is so funny lol seriouly
    say another one

  2. jperk1941, 15 December, 2009

    great joke. I gotta remember that one

  3. black_kitty_gangsta, 15 December, 2009

    That was an awesome joke……………………………………………………………………………………………………………… the first time i heard it.

  4. William L, 15 December, 2009

    Yes.

  5. lindsey, 15 December, 2009

    lol…that is funny

  6. prezidentcuteone, 15 December, 2009

    haha. That’s funny as stuff.

  7. ~♥AleX♥~, 15 December, 2009

    post some more!! I really liked it..

    Blondes In Space
    A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day.

    The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

    The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

    The blonde said, "So what? We’re going to be the first on the sun!"

    The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can’t land on the sun, you idiot! You’ll burn up!" said the Russian.

    The blonde replied, "We’re not stupid, you know. We’re going at night!"

  8. gregsta333, 15 December, 2009

    i liked that

  9. joyfulone, 15 December, 2009

    Now that was funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! many thanks needed it!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Koy, 15 December, 2009

    That’s a good one, have you heard of this one?

    Three Men At The Pearly Gates
    Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, and Patrick had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”

    The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off.

    So I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and started hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell—but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony.”

    “That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Patrick, and he let the man in.

    The second man comes up and Patrick explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. “It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved! But then he started beating on me and kicking me. I managed to hold on until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but okay. Just when I was thinking I was going to be all right, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me, killing me instantly. And, now I’m here.”

    Once again, Patrick had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

    The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Patrick explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

    “OK, picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator….”

  11. fat_bottom_girls_rock, 15 December, 2009

    That was funny!!! Give us some more LOL!!!!

  12. looking4answer, 15 December, 2009

    lol…funny..thx for the laughs!

  13. mrquestion, 15 December, 2009

    Thank you very much. Really funny. I kept laughing for a couple of minutes, even if I remembered that I had heard a variant of the joke before.

  14. kaway s, 15 December, 2009

    LOLZ… DAT WAZ ALL PRETTY FUNNI MORE!!

  15. diinytt, 15 December, 2009

    lol that was soooooooooo funny n cute:):):)

  16. lovephoto, 15 December, 2009

    it is old

  17. rollodecriente, 15 December, 2009

    That’s really funny!!!

  18. A, 15 December, 2009

    🙂

  19. nefertiti, 15 December, 2009

    ha ha ha ha . applause . hey dat was really really great . keep it up sweety . my wishes r with you

  20. Vinny, 15 December, 2009

    That was a real good one. I enjoyed it. Thank you.

  21. Linda, 15 December, 2009

    Very funny………….roflol

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