One day, John’s tennis elbow was acting up and he decided to stop in and see a doctor. When he got to the doctor’s office the nurse told him he could see the doctor in 15 minutes but, first he’d have to give a urine sample. John said that this was absurd but, the nurse insisted and John complied. 15 minutes later, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

“So that tennis elbow is really acting up, huh?” the doctor said.

“The nurse must have told you,” said John, wondering how the Doctor knew.

“No. It was in your urinalysis.” and the doctor continued to say that he had just purchased this new machine that could diagnose every physical condition with total accuracy based on the urine contents. John didn’t believe a word of this but he did agree to provide another urine sample on check-up visit.

Two days later, John was sitting at the kitchen table with his wife and his teenage daughter. He was telling them about this ridiculous machine when he
had an idea. John decided to have a little fun with the doctor and pissed in the bottle as did his wife and teenage daughter. Then while walking to his garage he had yet another brainstorm. John put a few drops of oil from his crankcase in the jar and even beat off and put a few drops of semen in the jar. He drove to the doctors office, shook the bottle, then handed it to the nurse. This time his urinalysis took half an hour. Finally, John was ushered in to see the doctor.

The doctor looked at him with an agitated look in his face and said, “I’ve got some bad news. Your daughter is pregnant, your wife’s got V. D., your car is about to throw a rod, and if you don’t stop beating off that tennis elbow is never gonna heal!”

Technorati Tags: 15 minutes, accuracy, bad news, brainstorm, crankcase, doctors office, half an hour, kitchen table, nurse, pissed, semen, teenage daughter, tennis elbow, urinalysis, urine sample

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."
"Don’t do that," volunteered his friend, "there’s a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit , then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited . The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud.
To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited . The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It’s not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better.
COMMENT:
I know this is a repost, (the violation reason given was solicitation?)
well, I don’t want anything nor am I selling anything, so there you have it.

I post jokes all the time, please feel free to browse my questions section for more.
@gordooo2
I seriously hope that you don’t think I’m stupid enough to post the same thing over and over if it’s already in my previous questions list. There’s a REASON why I need to repost certain content, I’ll let you figure out why.

Technorati Tags: breakthrough, concoction, diagnosis, drugstore, fraud, medical science, new computer, questions section, repost, slip of paper, solicitation, stool sample, tap water, teenage daughter, tennis elbow, urine sample, urine samples, vitamins, warm water, worms

doctor." "Don’t do that," volunteered his friend, "there’s a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit , then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited . The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.
That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited . The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
Your wife is pregnant. It’s not your baby. Get a lawyer.
And if you don’t stop jerking off your tennis elbow will never get better.

Technorati Tags: breakthrough, concoction, diagnosis, drugs, drugstore, fraud, lawyer, medical science, new computer, quot quot, slip of paper, stool sample, tap water, teenage daughter, tennis elbow, urine sample, urine samples, vitamins, warm water, worms